The actor talks about the season's most impressive film and trying to find leading roles as a black actor in Hollywood.

One of the very best movies of this fall season—indeed one of the best movies of the year—is Barry Jenkins' Moonlight. Released eight years after his debut feature, Medicine for Melancholy, the film tells the story of Chiron, a young black man growing up in an impoverished area of Miami who slowly comes to terms with his sexuality. The film is inspired by Tarell McCraney's autobiographical play, In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue, and takes place over three acts, with three actors playing Chiron at each stage in his growth, Moonlight shines an empathic light on the deepest struggles of identity a person can encounter.

Central to the film's greatness is a delicate and knowing performance by André Holland, best known for his work as Dr. Alergnon Edwards on The Knick. Holland brings to life the adult version of Chiron's childhood friend, Kevin, with whom he had his first and only real gay experience. In only a few scenes, Holland imbues Kevin with a confidence and deeply touching humanity that resonates well after the film is over.

We spoke with Holland about how he approached the role, letting go of the need to perform masculinity, and the struggle of trying to find leading roles as a black actor in Hollywood.

ESQ: I look at your filmography and a see a really broad range of different kinds of things, from The Knick to most recently American Horror Story and then Moonlight. What's your angle in terms of doing such a wide variety of work?

André Holland: I'm not sure that I even have an angle. I kind of go after things that feel right to me, you know? The Knick, and 42, and Selma… Those are all parts that felt very personal to me. They spoke to me in a real way. It's also a constantly evolving thing, you know, we talk about careers, but really you just make choices, and you're trying to figure it out as you go.

With Selma, 42, The Knick, and now with Moonlight, are you actively looking to shed new light on the black experience?

Well, I think those kinds of things always speak to me because I grew up in Alabama, so I understand what that marginalized experience is. Those kinds of characters often speak to me. That's part of it, and I certainly would love to do more of those, if more of those came along, but I just want to do things that feel like they resonate with, and have something to say about today, about where we are right now as a culture. That tends to be what motivates me.

What was it about the Kevin in Moonlight that attracted you?

What I found interesting is that he's a guy who had this kind of idea of what masculinity is, and he performed it to the Nth degree, and then at some point in his life he decided that he wanted to drop that mask and try to come at life from a more authentic place. Then he goes back to try to fix something that was broken from his past. I found that to be really touching. And also, it's a love story, and I know what it feels like to carry a deep love for someone over a long period of time who's not in your life.

You mention performing masculinity. Is that something you've gone through in your own life, that you knew intimately?

Yeah, definitely. Growing up down south, there is pressure, at least where I'm from, to be tough, and swallow down your feelings, or your heartache, or your disappointment, and just man up. It took me a long time, and probably becoming an actor really helped me— going through drama school and undoing some of that stuff. Even now, I still feel it. And then you add to it the component of race. Black men in this country often have to bury their feelings, bury their vulnerabilities, not only as a matter of convenience, but as a matter of survival. So that definitely resonated with me, and I know how difficult it is to let go of that, and to step into the unknown.

Looking at the work you've done, you seem to be relatively selective, choosing roles that are really right for you. Is that a part of maintaining that kind of sanity?

Thank you for noticing that, because it is something that I put a lot of thought into. There's an article that came out a few months ago, during pilot season—I think wrote something about it—who are the actors who that everyone wants, but can't get, and my name came up. The person they interview says, "Oh yeah, we offered him this, that, and the other, and he passed on everything." But what they don't say is that I have specific tastes about what I do and don't want to do, and being on a cop show, or being on a procedural drama—not that there's anything wrong with those, but that's not really a part of my plan.

Opportunities to me are things that come along that are actually in line with what I'm looking to do, not just what the business thinks I should be doing. I think that's a part of this, realizing even though people think that I would be happy with this, or that I should be happy just to get a job on a TV show, I have to stay true to the fact that it's not really going to make me happy. I've got to continue going after the things that really give me joy as an artist. That's not easy, because Moonlights don't come along every day.

What is it exactly that you're looking for then, is it a challenge, is it opening up new facets of yourself? What is it that you're seeking out?

It's always a challenge. I definitely want to find things that are challenging to me, that ask me to do things that I haven't done before. But also, I want to be in things that put me more central to the story. Most of the characters that I've done—well, all the characters that I've done—have been supporting parts, which are great, and they've been great supporting parts, and I'm super happy and grateful to have been in those parts, but I would like to play leading parts.

Because often, the fact is, those are the most interesting parts—the most complicated parts. I've found that when you're playing supporting parts, there's only so much real estate in a film, or in a script, and no matter how complicated or interesting you try to make your character be, ultimately it's got to be about the one or two people. As an actor, I want to see how good I am, how good I can be.

Was that something that Moonlight offered you?

Moonlight is not exactly that—it's not what I what I was describing about playing the lead and more central parts, but the story of the movie was so powerful to me, and Barry Jenkins is somebody I would work with for the rest of my career if possible. Stories like these, it doesn't really matter. Just to be a part of the thing, and support the telling of the story is paramount. I just believe in it wholeheartedly. It was undeniable. When I first read it, I was weeping half way through it. It was the best thing I've ever read.

How about creating your own work?

Well that's also a part of what I'm doing next. That's what I have to do, is create these opportunities for myself. You know, there was a period where I thought I just had such high hopes that there would be all these great opportunities, and it took me a while to mourn the fact that that's not what is, and then to buck myself up and go, "You know what? We've got to go make it ourselves."

How much of that do you think has to do with the fact that you're a black actor, in terms of the roles that are out there?

My honest opinion is: I feel like it has a lot to do with that. And I know that there are some black actors who say, "Well, it's hard being an actor, period, that's just what it is to be an actor." But I disagree with that. It's a very difficult thing to be a black actor with a very specific idea of what he wants to do. Because at the end of the day it's not a situation where I'm reading 10 or 15 great parts for a black actor, and I'm just not getting them. They don't exist as far as I know. So it's not really a question of am I capable, or am I lucky, I just haven't gotten my hands on the material yet. That's all.

When I look around and I see that there are a number of white actors in my same age range who seemingly have a number of things to choose from—and I know they do, because a lot of the things that I read are like, "Oh, this one has so-and-so in it, and they're interested in having you play the friend, or his partner who's got a slightly complicated home life." But at the end of the day, it's his partner. There's only so much of that I can do. There's other people who can do it, and make a career of it, and God bless them, but I'd rather not act anymore if that's what it ends up coming to.

I guess that's where movies like Moonlight, when they come along, you've got to seize them.

Exactly. I felt very proud when I read Moonlight, and I would walk through a wall to be in it. Seriously, it's just that special to me.

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